Riding the Long WInd – Chapter 19

Chapter 19

He was quiet for a long time after that.

When she thought about it later, Liu Yuru admitted to herself that there had been something almost tender in the way she had said it. Neither of them noticed at the time. They were both too inexperienced in that territory. She had only been thinking about making him feel the weight of what he owed her. He had only been thinking that she was right, and that if he had cost her something, he ought to try to give it back.

Still. Surpassing Ye Shi’an. That was asking a great deal.

He had grown up in Ye Shi’an’s shadow.

When he was small his health had never been good. Half his days were spent drinking medicine. He learned quickly, but reading for more than a short stretch gave him headaches. At the school where half the young men of Yangzhou studied together, when the teacher called on him in the mornings to recite, he could do anything he had already read and nothing he had not. The teacher never asked why he had not read it. That was Yangzhou’s finest school, with its strictest master, and the only thing the master did was berate him for not applying himself.

Ye Shi’an sat behind him, and every time Gu Jiusi stumbled, Ye Shi’an would stand and recite the next section flawlessly. The teacher would mention it to Gu Langhua when he came to call.

His parents would not scold him. But they would say, sometimes, wondering: “How does Ye Shi’an manage to be so capable?”

He used to cry about it in bed at night. Jiang Rou would find him and be so distressed by his tears that she would immediately say: “My darling, do not cry. If you cannot keep up, you cannot keep up. Our family does not need you to study. Just be happy.”

She thought she was comforting him. What those words actually did was give him the excuse he had used ever since.

He had never dared to compete with Ye Shi’an, and had stopped wanting to. His parents had said all he had to do was be happy. What more did he need?

Now Liu Yuru had praised him in a way he had almost never heard, and said he could surpass Ye Shi’an, and some part of him could not stand the thought of letting her down. He held it all in for a long time, and finally said: “I will…try.”

He got up quickly. “You go to sleep. I am going to look at the books a little longer.”

Liu Yuru nodded. He left. Yin Hong came in and helped Liu Yuru stand. Liu Yuru said as she rose: “Have the kitchen make him a pear broth. His voice sounds rough. Let him soothe his throat.”

“Why are you this kind to him?” Yin Hong said, with barely concealed discontent, guiding her toward the bed. “You are too soft-hearted, miss. If it were not for him, you would be the Ye family’s Young Mistress right now. You should not be wasting a thought on him. This is not a marriage, this is like gaining an extra son.”

“Hush!” Liu Yuru tapped Yin Hong on the head lightly with her fan. She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. “Yin Hong. Starting now, you should not call me miss anymore. It is Young Mistress.”

Yin Hong pouted and said nothing. Liu Yuru looked at her and understood. “I know you are angry on my behalf. But a person has to look at the better side of things. There were a hundred ways the Gu family or Gu Jiusi could have made this difficult for me. They have not done any of them. They have been the ones giving ground, again and again. That is not because of anything particularly clever that I did. It is because they are genuinely decent people. And if you think about it, Gu Jiusi is not someone who lets himself be pushed around out there on the street. Is he?”

Yin Hong listened quietly. Liu Yuru looked out at the willow branches moving softly at the edge of the lamplight. “This marriage was Zhang Yue’er’s maneuvering and my father’s greed. I have been taking all of that out on the Gu family. But no one can be patient with resentment forever. If they have been treating you well and you are still carrying a grudge, sooner or later they will find ways to make things hard. Better to put it down and just get on with living. Since I am the Gu family’s Young Mistress now, eating their food and wearing their clothes, I should not be carrying this much elsewhere in my heart.”

Yin Hong sighed, and a trace of sadness crossed her face. “I know you are right. I just… cannot stop feeling sad for you. Because Young Master Ye is, in so many ways, so much better than the young master…”

Her voice trailed off. Liu Yuru listened, and found, unexpectedly, that she almost wanted to laugh.

“Do not say that.”

She said it gently. “Young Master Ye has his good qualities. But the young master has his too. I will not go through everything, but let me ask you one thing. If what happened today had happened with Ye Shi’an, do you think it would have gone the way it did?”

If Liu Yuru had shown up at a brothel with a blade to haul Ye Shi’an out, his response would probably have been a letter of repudiation delivered the next morning. He would not have sat there in that cramped room looking uncomfortable while she said everything she needed to say.

Yin Hong paused. Liu Yuru said, smiling: “The young master looks fierce. But his temper is actually far better than Ye Shi’an’s, whether or not that is obvious. Look at his fighting ability. If he had truly wanted to break free today, do you think he could not have? He stayed because he did not want to actually hurt any of the household guards. And the young master is cleverer than either of us has given him credit for. Think about how long it took him to recite that passage tonight. Less than a quarter of an hour. Ye Shi’an does not have a memory like that. He just has not applied himself,” Liu Yuru said, turning the fan in her hands. “If he did, I think he would find Ye Shi’an is not as out of reach as everyone assumes.”

He would find Ye Shi’an is not as out of reach as everyone assumes.

Gu Jiusi stood frozen in the doorway. He had come back to get something he had forgotten. Mu Nan, beside him, looked at his face and whispered uncertainly: “Young Master?”

Gu Jiusi raised one hand in a sharp “not now” gesture. He glanced through the gap in the window. Inside, the lamp was warm and soft. The girl sat on the bed with an easy, unhurried smile, like a spring night’s breeze moving quietly past his face and settling in his eyes.

He stood there for a while. Then he straightened up, gestured to Mu Nan, and went back to the study.

He lit the lamp. He opened the book. He sat with it.

And for the first time, he found that what he felt was not obligation. It was something that came from the inside.

She was a good person.

He thought: he should try to make things better for her.

When Liu Yuru woke the next morning it was already the hour of the hare. She asked Yin Hong: “Did the young master come back to the room last night?”

“He slept in the study.”

“Is he up?”

“No.” Yin Hong suppressed a smile. “Mu Nan has been outside the door all morning trying to wake him. He sent for you.”

Liu Yuru went to the study. Gu Jiusi was in bed with the blanket pulled completely over his head, breathing in the long, rhythmic way of someone in deep and satisfied sleep.

Mu Nan stood to the side looking miserable. “Young Mistress, I have called several times. The young master cannot hear…”

“It is fine.” Liu Yuru smiled serenely. “Bring a basin of water.”

So it was that on that particular morning, Gu Jiusi experienced what it felt like to have cold water poured directly onto his head from above.

He woke up confused, gasping. He opened his eyes, and found Liu Yuru’s smiling face directly in front of him.

“Did you sleep well, my lord?”

His instinct was to say several things very loudly. Then the image of her last night, sitting on the bed and waving her fan, came back to him. He swallowed all of it. His expression went through about six different stages.

Every person nearby was holding their breath.

Gu Jiusi drew a long, slow breath. He said, with great deliberateness: “Fine.”

He stood up. He took the cloth someone handed him, dried his face, and changed into the plain pale robe. He tied the “diligence” band onto his forehead. He looked up with an expression of complete resolution and said: “Liu Yuru. I am going to beat Ye Shi’an in the examinations.”

Liu Yuru was startled. Then she said quickly: “If my lord truly feels that way, that is more wonderful than I could have hoped!”

“Liu Yuru.” He looked at her with real seriousness. “When I have beaten Ye Shi’an and earned you your title, we will be even. You can find your happiness, and I can find mine. Agreed?”

Liu Yuru kept the smile on her face and turned her fan lightly. “Of course.”

Gu Jiusi drew a long breath, clapped her on the shoulder, and said: “You have my word. Everything you lost, I will earn back for you.”

He walked out the door with the air of a man setting off to conquer something.

He washed, ate breakfast, and since the teacher’s hour was already fixed and he had overslept, he had to eat while walking. Liu Yuru followed behind, timing everything for him.

Two hours of classical studies in the morning. The moment they ended, Gu Jiusi barely had time to breathe before Liu Yuru had the midday meal brought out and was putting food in his bowl while saying: “My lord, eat quickly, there is still the afternoon lesson, and you need to finish some exercises beforehand or tonight will be impossible. Eat. Do not let yourself get hungry.”

He was hurried through lunch, then through exercises, then into the afternoon lesson.

By the time he dragged himself back to the room that evening with his assignments done, he could barely lift his feet. Liu Yuru took his arm briskly and said: “Just a little longer, my lord. You still have one Analects passage to memorize.”

“I cannot anymore,” he said. He was nearly crying. “Liu Yuru, just let me sleep. I genuinely cannot do any more tonight. I cannot recite anything…”

“Gu Jiusi. Pull yourself together!” she said sharply. He snapped upright like a soldier at attention.

“Can you recite it or not?” She looked at him steadily. The fear of hunger from the night before rose up in him and he nodded with great energy. “Yes!”

He fell asleep while reciting.

Liu Yuru heard a dull thud, and looked over to find his head had dropped onto the desk. He was fast asleep, looking, from this angle, like a child. His lashes were long, trembling faintly in the lamplight.

“Roast lamb…” he muttered.

Liu Yuru laughed quietly, thinking that she had clearly left a lasting impression with that particular evening.

She nudged him gently. “My lord. Time to get up.”

“Liu Yuru…” he murmured, half in his dream, “I am sorry…”

Liu Yuru paused.

She looked at him, this man who seemed like such a child in sleep, and felt something in her chest go unexpectedly soft.

She thought, in that moment, that marrying into the Gu family, marrying this person, might not be entirely a bad thing. Gu Jiusi was reckless, yes. But compared to Ye Shi’an, at least he had this one quality.

He had a heart.

She had known Ye Shi’an for years, and she had the feeling that to him, she was simply “little Yuru from next door,” one name among the family connections he maintained out of courtesy.

She tapped Gu Jiusi lightly with the fan. “Up you come.”

The tap stung. He made a pained sound and raised his head, squinting at her. “What was that for?”

“Go to bed.”

“I have not finished reciting,” he said, rubbing the sore spot, annoyed.

“You are excused.” She stood. “It is your break. Go sleep.”

He lit up immediately. He scrambled to his feet and followed her out, saying: “You said that. I did not give up on my own.”

Liu Yuru glanced at him, and at those bright, eager eyes could not quite stop herself. She reached out and tapped his forehead with one finger. “Look at you.”

“Hey, stop hitting my head. If you knock me stupid you will never get to be an official’s wife.”

Liu Yuru ignored this and walked ahead. Gu Jiusi hesitated, then said: “Actually. I think I will sleep in the study.”

Liu Yuru raised an eyebrow. She understood immediately. He was still thinking about the fact that they would eventually part, and was trying not to take advantage. She sighed. “My lord, separating from me in the first month of our marriage is going to start rumors I cannot easily deal with.”

Gu Jiusi frowned, thought about it, and said: “I will sleep on the floor.”

Liu Yuru stared at him.

The way he said it made it sound as though she had been pressing him to come into the bed.

“Very well.” She kept her voice level. “The floor is large. Sleep however you like.”

That night, Gu Jiusi rolled out a floor mat with evident happiness and settled down looking deeply content. Liu Yuru, watching this from the bed, felt an impulse she did not particularly try to understand or suppress.

She reached over, picked up a pillow, and threw it as hard as she could at his face.

It landed squarely. Gu Jiusi did not move at all, lying there like a monument.

Liu Yuru sniffed, lay down, and pulled her blanket up.

When he heard her settle, Gu Jiusi carefully lifted the pillow off his face.

He let out a sigh and looked at the ceiling.

Women’s moods. Clearly unpredictable. The future was not going to be easy.

.

After that, Gu Jiusi lived his days in the bleak repetition of study, study, study. He wept and complained daily that he could not go on, and every day Liu Yuru met him with: “You have to try, my lord. You are going to beat Ye Shi’an.”

Beat Ye Shi’an.

Beat Ye Shi’an.

Beat Ye Shi’an.

The words rang through his head every day, until he began watching for news of Ye Shi’an’s results.

The provincial examination results went up not long after. All the candidates went to see the board. Gu Jiusi had not sat for the exams, but he was more anxious than anyone who had, and sent Mu Nan out at dawn to find out. Liu Yuru only watched him pacing and could not quite work out what he was nervous about.

By midday Mu Nan returned. Gu Jiusi saw him coming and rushed to the gate to meet him. Mu Nan was still out of breath when Gu Jiusi demanded: “Well? How did Ye Shi’an do?”

“First…first place…”

Mu Nan could barely speak. Gu Jiusi went pale. Mu Nan, afraid he had not been heard, repeated it: “First place. Top of the province.”

At those words, every exhausting day of the past two weeks, the early mornings and late nights and the endless anxious effort, all of it reached its limit at the same moment, and Gu Jiusi’s eyes rolled back and he collapsed onto the ground.